Liar Liar, Burning Higher.

Day 44, 45, 46

My life has turned into a hopeless array of shows, exams, essays, microwaveable meals and caffeine. Since monday morning, scrounging my eyelashes apart in order to wake up, and drag my feet to the bathroom, which is usually the temperature of Siberia, hes been increasingly difficult.

I have found out more and more each day, through about a million different sources, yet I don't seem to be angry. Deflated is more the word. When in your head you build someone up to be something like a... a... chocolate fudge cake, and they turn out to be a lump of banoffee pie, you want to punch every human being, in case they plan to convince you they're chocolate fudge cake too and kick them off a bridge. I hate banoffee pie.

Either way, I will find out a lot tonight. I lie, not a lot really. Probably about an eighth of the things I really want to know. Ah well, can't have everything.

I have been a bit on the extreme side this week. A few people have said things which have been uncalled for to me and other victims, and I retaliated a little aggressively, (snapping, shouting, "shut the FUCK up"ing, telling people where to go.) But at the same time, I have suddenly fallen in love with about a million people, who are the sort to make me have a scrap of faith left in humanity. Not dirty, cowardly liars. Because lying really is, for those who are scared.

My show opens on friday. I forgot how much I love the stage. This one's really pushing my limits as the dance routines are ridiculously complicated at times and I come home after rehearsals with aching legs. But the acting, singing, looking like a complete twat in costume bits make up for the leg pain, and to be honest, some of the dances are ridiculously fun. I'm in that pre-show feeling.

Now, I am going to go, make a tuna bake pasta meal (yet another microwave concoction), dry my hair, do some confronting, hurt like fuck after the confronting and do a 4year dress rehearsal, most of which consists of me prancing round the dressing room, looking for costumes in my bra and pants in front of one of my ex-boyfriends and his lovely mum. The comedy never ends.

Ergh why do people lie?